Locust Valley, NY -- (SBWIRE) -- 02/18/2014 -- Jim Coniglione, the owner of Scoopy Doo Dog Waste Removal Company - the self-proclaimed "Turd Whisperer" - is at it again. Employing a scientific method all his own, Coniglione says he can predict the over-all winner in this year's Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia by studying the frozen poop in the field, and right now it's looking good for the USA.
Coniglione, who earlier predicted that the 2012 Presidential election would be won by Mitt Romney, based on the ratio of Romney/Obama poop resemblances ("It's not an exact science", he concedes) nevertheless feels confident that his current data points to a romp for the United States. "A lot of the poop is resembling our fifty states, which is good." He's also recorded sightings of the Washington Monument, the Capitol building, and a bald eagle. "Although the bald eagle turd might also be Putin. There's a bit of guesswork involved."
Coniglione claims his method comes from years of investigative scooping and understanding the gravitational pull on a dog's lower intestine. “I call it the Poo-lar Vortex.” All the snow in the northeast has made it difficult for a good poop read - he stayed away from Super Bowl predictions altogether - but with the temperatures warming up this week Coniglione will be out in the field getting fresh feedback.
He believes at this point that the United States will rack up more gold and silver medals than any other country in the 2014 Winter Olympics. “I admit to a pro-America bias,” he says, “but still, you can’t argue with Mother Nature.” He also remarked that one particular turd resembled Bob Costas with a bad eye.